How to become a Sage in Seven Simple Steps

Anyone can achieve their dream and be a sage. Just follow these seven simple steps.

1. Be a man. If you’re not a man, consider changing gender. Or, check out our guide: How to Become a Wise Woman.*

2. Find your inner sage type: justice, mystic, scientist, philosopher, poet, mathematician, or (our fave) all-powerful monarch.

3. Practice. You're not a sage unless you make time for saging every day.

4. Come up with pithy lines that pretend to answer universal questions. Keep saying them.

5. Move somewhere remote and, ideally, uncomfortable. See our guide: How to Live Up a Pole.

6. Hook up with six other sages and choose your Team Name. Hint: It should start ‘Seven Sages of’.

7. Ensure your legacy. Write a book of your famous catchphrases, add impenetrable explanations, and a call-to-action title.

Congratulations, you're a sage!

Next guide: How to Become a Demigod.

First published in Ad Hoc Fiction

* Yup, sages are defined as male or generally male - look it up.